Common Sense Obituary

(Source photo for header image taken by Matt H. Wade. If you’re looking at the fighter pilot header, click the post title.)

An Obituary printed in the London Times:

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.

No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

  • Knowing when to come in out of the rain
  • Why the early bird gets the worm
  • Life isn’t always fair
  • Maybe it was my fault

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place and only worsened his condition:

  • Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate
  • Teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch
  • A teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers:

  • I Know My Rights
  • I Want It Now
  • Someone Else Is To Blame
  • I’m A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

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2 Responses to Common Sense Obituary

  1. Gita says:

    I personally think this posting, “Common Sense Obituary,” is really engaging and it was a
    great read. I appreciate it, Gladys

    • Tosh McIntosh says:

      I liked it too, Gladys, and that’s why I reprinted it here. I’d like to see the author of this piece do a similar one on the demise of common courtesy, just to name another of the many aspects of modern life that cause me to sincerely doubt that human beings are the most intelligent species on the planet. I’ve got this little sci-fi vignette I use to describe that belief. It goes like this:

      An inter-stellar spaceship is exploring the far reaches of distant galaxies looking for other intelligent life so they can contact it and share ideas, technology, and all accumulated knowledge.

      One of the crew tells the commander that they’ve found a gorgeous planet and deployed the “sphere,” which is a device that surrounds a planet and instantly gathers its complete history, geological, archeological, social, cultural, etc. He offers the commander the report so that he can decide whether to stop and make contact with the inhabitants.

      The commander reads the report, hands it back to the crew member, and says, “That species is composed of idiots. Let’s continue looking.”

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