Illegal Immigration

No matter what your political persuasion and attitude toward the subject of illegal immigration might be, this is funny.

From The  Manitoba  Herald:

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the  past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal  immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus  among left-leaning  citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt,  pray, and to agree with Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border  farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors,  animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at  night.

“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. “The producer was cold, exhausted and  hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.  When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show  him my screenplay, eh?”

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed  loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real  effective,” he said. “The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn’t give any milk.”

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.

“A lot of these  people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of imported  drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.”

When  liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where  liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR  races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of  crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a  bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk  Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official  said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting  all the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said.  “How many art-history majors does one country need?”

In an effort to ease tensions between the United  States and Canada , Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to President Obama said,  “We’re going to  have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul &Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on postage stamps.  The President is determined to reach out,” he  said.

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